Recently I’ve been talking a lot about my gay spirit animals as I just saw the queen of my spirit animals live in concert last week. Much like the Greeks had a god for different things, so each of my spirit animals serves a different purpose.
Katy Perry, the Zeus of my spirit animals, is the patron spirit animal of life, teenage dreams, skintight jeans and cross-country road-trips in convertibles.
Britney Spears is the patron spirit animal of fierce choreographed dancing and hair-flips. Seriously, as long as her extensions are on tight and she’s got a thick heeled shoe, this girl can kill it on the dance floor.
Beyoncé is the spirit animal of strutting. There is not a being on this earth that can strut harder than Beyoncé, even when blowing up cars or dancing on sand. The spirit of Beyoncé most often inhabits my body after a bottle or two of wine while walking the streets of New York. When Beyoncé’s spirit takes over your body, you just let the spirit take you.
When it comes to breakups and walking away from a bad relationship one can call upon Trina, the patron spirit animal of stuntin’ on hoes and getting over a breakup. There is no better way of walking away from a bad relationship that doing in in a fierce pair of red bottoms.
Next there is Rihanna, patron spirit animal of grindin’ up on people.
No, seriously. That’s all she needs.
The Greeks had Dionysus, the god of wine, parties and festivals, madness, drunkenness and pleasure. I have Ke$ha, the spirit animal of drunkeness, debauchery and glitter.
And finally, being the super bass of the gay spirit animal totem pole, is Nicki Minaj, patron spirit animal of
Yes, spirit animal of assassassassassassassass.